Finally, the truth is calculated and cannot be disputed.

Beer tastes horrible served hot.
Poon-Tang tastes better served hot.
Winner: Poon-Tang

Having an ice cold Beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold Poon-Tang makes you Hillary Clinton.
Winner: Beer

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Poon-Tang does not.
Winner: None

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming Poon-Tang, you are not disgusted.
Winner: Poon-Tang

Twenty-four Beers come in a box.
Poon-Tang is a box you can come in.
Winner: Poon-Tang

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Winner: Poon-Tang

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Winner: Beer

If you come home smelling like Beer, the layd may get mad.
If you come home smelling like Poon-Tang, she will definitely get mad.
Winner: Beer

Six Beers in a night and you better not drive.
Six Poon-Tangs  in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Winner: Poon-Tang

Buy too much Beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much Poon-Tang and you will get poor.
Winner: None

It is socially acceptable to have a Beer in the stands at a football game.
Getting Poon-Tang in the stands at a football game makes you a legend.
Winner: Poon-Tang

If a cop smells Beer on your breath, you get a arrested..
If a cop smells Poon-Tang on your breath, you get a high-five.
Winner: Poon-Tang

With Beer, bigger is better.
Winner: Beer

Wearing a condom does not make Beer any less enjoyable.
Winner: Beer

Poon-Tang makes you see God.
Beer makes you see the porcelain God.
Winner: Poon-Tang

If you think all day about your next Poon-Tang you are normal.
If you think all day about your next Beer you are an alcoholic.
Winner: Poon-Tang

Peeling labels off of Beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of Poon-Tang is more fun.
Winner: Poon-Tang

Snagging Beer at work gets you fired.
Snagging Poon-Tang at work gets you charged with sexual harassment.
Winner: None

If you drop a Beer it breaks.
If you drop Poon-Tang, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Winner: Beer

If you change to another Beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Winner: Beer

The best Poon-Tang you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Winner: Poon-Tang.

The worst Poon-Tang you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Winner: Beer

Bad Beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad Poon-Tang: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Winner: None

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good Poon-Tang: Almost all but the above.
Winner: Poon-Tang

The government taxes Beer.
Woman tax their Poon.
Winner: None

Too much Beer results in a headache.
Too much Poon-Tang results in a Willie-ache, but that's a good kind of ache!
Winner: Poon-Tang

Grab the wrong Beer and your drinking buddy gets pissed.
Grab the wrong Poon-Tang and her boyfriend kicks your ass!
Winner: Beer

Having an ice cold Beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold Poon-Tang makes you Hillary Clinton.
Winner: Beer

Beer=11
Poon-Tang=13

The numbers never lie. The winner is Poon-Tang!

• Dave recognizes Our Pal, Mark B, for the Hillary addition!
• Special thanks to Ian for setting us straight on the tax thing. It used to read that the winner was Beer. However, Ian reminded us that Women tax their Poon too!
• Another thanks to Tom for setting us straight on our math!
• And yet more thanks goes to HF from Chicago for adding "Willie-ache" and "Wrong Grab" to the score card!